< Meh.
>
I guess things are at a plateau.
It's not a plateau I particularly like, but at least things aren't rolling downhill. It seems like when things start rolling down like that they just gain momentum, just keep going down and down and there isn't a bottom to them... the only end in sight is another plateau.
So, yeah, it's a plateau. Physically I'm not gaining weight, not getting fatter, which is nice. I haven't eaten the past couple of days. It feels good to be able to say to myself hey, it's seven thirty and I am completely empty of food. But I guess it's not healthy. So I shouldn't do it. I actually finished off a purge yesterday. (I never binge. But I find ways of ridding myself of whatever is in me when things get rough. I know. Don't say it.) It had been a little while and I can't begin to describe how [i]good[/i] it felt. You know?
I'm not depressed right now so much as I am mellow. Rehab doesn't have a thing for me, or if he does he doesn't want to date. I'm... I guess I'm just feeling really stuck. And tired. I've stopped expecting much from my friends, I figure if they're there for me I'll be pleasantly surprised, otherwise, they'll be greedy, more interested in other people and other things. They'll stop by for a visit, pretend to find me interesting, and then tell me that they'll see or talk to me later and never return. This sounds pretty emo but I'm thinking it in a matter of fact kind of way. I don't expect them to be [i]there[/i] anymore. (In reference to blonde and angry and tangeriner.)
My grades are Bs and rising. Which is nice. Except chem. I don't know chem.
God, I sound so... bland. I feel like a banana.
Oh, yeah, and I discovered something about myself... I hate banana flavoured things. I'm cool with bananas, but not things that taste like banana. Excluding muffins and bread.
Is that crazy?
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